Monday, April 7, 2008

Hold onto your chips

No jackpot today. But, as Jason and I see it, we made it through another day without news of another kickout! A few weeks ago I asked our coordinator not to call us during the workday with bad news. So, 4:45pm - 6:00pm has been designated as the "danger zone" at our house! You can probably hear the huge sigh of relief once 6:00pm rolls around. We are not OUT, but we also aren't KICKED OUT at this point. This the longest we have been back in PGN, yet. All of our previos were issued within 3-4 weeks. So, to get another kickout at this point would just be CRUEL!

Even so, we know the unpredictability of PGN all too well and anything is possible. But, we are hopeful and, believe it or not, feeling more relaxed than we have in a long time. Of course, "relaxed" is a relative term because I really don't know what that means anymore! Right now, it means that I am not laying awake at night consumed with worry and anxiety and we are enjoying the "idea" of spending the summer home together as a family of three. It feels so close, closer than ever, yet still so far away. PGN seems to be back to working at a snail's pace, but hopefully we will hear some good news very soon.

In the meantime, we are getting ready for Eli's first birthday on Friday. I thought I was "okay" with missing his birthday. That is, until I went to the party store Saturday to buy cutsie first birthday plates and napkins. It hit me like a brick and it was all I could do not to lose it in the store. Once I hit the door, the floodgates broke open. I know it won't matter once he is home and I know it means nothing to Eli at this point, but it still hurts to miss spending this special day with him. We celebrated his birthday while we were in Antigua and that was wonderful. We are also having a birthday party with family this Friday. I think this will also be a very special day for his foster family. Eli has been a part of their family since he was 2 days old. There is so much LOVE surrounding our sweet pea and there will be celebrations in two countries on April 11th!!
We love you sweet pea!!!!


  1. Steph, you never fail to bring tears to my eyes. I've probably shared with you before that my boys turned 1 in Russia while we were waiting to go back and bring them home. I'll never forget that feeling and what a sad day that was for me. Even though they didn't know, I'm still saddened that I didn't get to spend that day with them. (and many others before they came home) That being said, I feel like it is your time. I always told Jeremy that the longer you are in PGN the closer you are to getting OUT! I KNOW you'll be getting good news in the next week...and I'm hoping that you get the call on April 11th! Big hugs. You'll be in our thoughts on Friday. Eli is so lucky to be loved by so many wonderful people! Happy Birthday, sweet boy.

  2. Steph I am so hoping that that this is your time... It would be so awesome if you were able to get out this week,,

  3. Steph, you are doing so well through all of this. Your strength and perspective and "positiveness" through out this journey has been very inspirational. I guess you did break down at that store! Missing the "second" birthday is very tough. We missed the "birth" day and now the first birthday. Not at all what was expected.
    You know we missed Austin and Logan's birthday and even though I was planning on going down a week and half later (which actually turned into 6 weeks later), the build up to the day was so difficult. We celebrated with family,too and the actual day turned out very nice...lots of tears leading up to it though. And FYI, when they came home we had another birthday party with them at "14 1/2" months. HUGE (((HUGS))) to you this week. Go easy on yourself, don't expect to be able to "function" well. Just tell people to "back off." And hang onto your hubby and loved ones and we will all pray Eli HOME!!

  4. Hugs to you guys...I have a GOOD feeling that you are waiting to be signed off and as soon as PGN gets their act together your file will be OUT!!! Praying for you and wishing little pea a wonderful birthday.
    Jen :]

  5. Oh, don't do that to me!! My heart jumped when I read "Hold on. . . "

    Come on PGN give Steph and Jason a big birthday present by Friday!!!! I hope there's an additional reason to celebrate on Friday!

    Steph, do you know how long PGN times are running now? Is there anyone out before 8 weeks currently?

  6. I just know you will get your OUT soon. I'm sorry you have miss his 1st birthday. That just stinks and I probably would've lost it at the store so at least you made it home! He is a lucky little guy to have 2 birthday parties in 2 different countries! How many kids can say that?

  7. OK, now I am a mess!!! That must have been tough. You will just have to eat two pieces of cake. One for him, and one for you!!!

    HMMMM maybe there will be good news to celebrate.

  8. Steph, I hear ya on getting through another day being in PGN. This is the longest we have been back IN and with the 2nd reviewer. It is so hard the idea of Hope! I do Hope Eli is home with you soon so you can celebrate his day all over again as a family.

  9. Steph, Praise God you are staying strong. Keeping praying our Lord knows your heart...