My most precious and beautiful gift came to me through adoption.
Another thing I have learned through adoption is that my greatest gift, my greatest source of joy was so connected to another woman's significant loss. I will never, ever fully comprehend the significant loss undoubtably experienced by pea's birth mother. I will never fully understand how pea will be affected by his adoption story...how it will shape his identity and his sense of self. And, until we were in the airplane ready to leave Guatemala with pea in our arms, I never truly felt the impact of my joy being so intricately connected to the significant loss and grief of another woman. I vividly remember those last moments in Guatemala looking out the plane window across the skyline of Guatemala City wondering where pea's birthmother was at that moment. Wondering if she somehow knew that something was different that day.
Sitting on that plane (crying my eyes out, of course!), I was overwhelmed with relief , joy, and disbelief that we were finally bringing our son home. At the same time, I was also overwhelmed sadness and and a sense of loss knowing we were taking pea away from everything he had known up until that point. We were taking him away from his birth country and culture, something we would never, ever be able to provide for him in the same way. It was such a complicated mix of emotions as we started to taxi down the runaway, saying goodbye to Guatemala, while also preparing ourselves for a new beginning at home.
As we settled in for the long journey home, I was lastly overwhelmed with honor and gratitude for this amazing gift asleep in my arms, at last. This amazing gift of adoption is full of complicated emotions, but most importantly...full of love, joy, and hope. Adoption was a gift for all of us. A gift we all wanted and needed: family.
Wow! you're lucky-sounds like he was asleep as you left GT. Mine were always squirmy & fussy-no time for contemplative thoughts-ha!!
ReplyDeleteBut, your post brought tears to my eyes-as I thought, again, of that wonderful sacrifice our kiddos' birthmamas so unsefishly gave. I doubt I could be that unselfish!
Your picture of your little guy is STUNNING!!!
Oh Steph! I feel and felt the exact same way. Today is Ryenn's birthday. It's a happy day, but I can't help but wonder what this day means to her birthmom. No one seems to understand why I care about her feelings. How could I not care? She gave me an amazing gift--and at the price of the biggest loss of her life. Hugs, mama--I love these posts!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful picture!! Adoption is so precious and brought us our greatest gift as well!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful picture and such a great post!
ReplyDeleteReading through this post brought it all back! That was a day of many emotions! I cried too as we flew out of Guatemala. I cried because I knew her foster mom would miss her so much, because we were leaving someplace wonderful, because we left the place she was born! I knew we wouldn't be back for a while! It was just so emotional! The birth moms truly give us the most precious of gifts! I am forever grateful!!
ReplyDeleteOh Little Pea is just not so little!! Man, he is getting so big!!! WOW!!