Still waiting...

for the phone to ring!! This adoption process so far has been very different for many, many reasons. For starters, the paperwork for this adoption was a BREEZE compared to Eli's adoption. Nothing really compares to compiling an international dossier! But, we were required to complete an adoption profile, which is a profile (kind of a like a scrapbook) all about our family. When we first started exploring adoption many years ago, the idea of creating an adoption profile really turned me off. I hated the idea of it, to be quite honest. I realize now I was just scared and very uneasy about domestic adoption for many reasons. And, it just did not feel like the right path for us at the time. We were so strongly drawn to Guatemala and, of course, now we know why!

Even so, domestic adoption still made me uneasy. There are so many misconceptions about adoption and about the women who make an adoption plan and I am sure that fueled some of my fears. I also felt very nervous about the idea of an open adoption. Would that somehow undermine my role as mom? Would it be too confusing? Too complicated? Too messy? What if she changes her mind? etc, etc, etc. It certainly is A LOT to think about and requires much soul searching. And, it is extremely important to explore these fears and concerns before moving forward.

But, now that I am a mom, an adoptive mom, and a mom in a multiracial family, my perspective has completely shifted and I am not scared at all. I realize that many of my previous fears were very self-centered, but that is because I did not have any other experiences to draw from. Now I know that it is not all about me. Why would I NOT want my child to know his/her birth family, to have answers, information, someone to resemble, and, most importanly, more love? Yes, it could be messy and complicated, but...aren't all families? One of the greatest gifts I can give my children is an open heart - open to the fact that each of my children has a family and a cultural history completely different than my own. It is part of who they are. I am certainly not naive to think it won't sometimes feel uncomfortable or be difficult, but navigating those waters is my responsibility as a parent.

We have no idea what the next phone call will bring. We have no idea what our relationship with the birth family will look like. What we do know is that our family will grow in ways we probably do not expect! It is very exciting. Of course, we are nervous, but our hearts are wide open and we are ready.