Fav Foto Saturday

I love this photo for the memories it brings back. This was our last night and Eli was getting very good at pulling himself up to standing and was able to stand without our assistance for small periods of time. In this photo he was holding onto the chair with one hand and banging the seat with the other; he was quite proud of himself! Jason was sitting on the bed behind him and Eli kept turning around to see if Jason was watching him. If he wasn't, Eli would stare at him as if he were saying "LOOK AT ME!!!" Once Jason would look at him, Eli would smile really big and go back to banging the chair. This game went on for a few minutes. It was such a small moment in time, but filled with so much meaning for us.

"Look at me!! I'm standing all by myself!!!"

Everything in our world was perfect that week. No stress...no worrying about timelines, no anxiety over PGN...all that mattered was we were together as a family. A sense of calm washed over me that I had not felt for a long time. We embarked on this journey with great hope and faith, but our hope and faith has been challenged significantly with all of the changes happening in the world of Guatemalan adoptions. There were days we had doubts and fears whether or not this wait would ever end, whether or not our little pea would come home. Consequently, there have been many tears, much anxiety, and many sleepless nights. But, those doubts and fears have been quieted for now by those small moments we had with Eli. Watching him seek his dad's attention with a smile on his face, holding his arms out to us, and reaching out in his sleep to make sure we were still there is all the confirmation we need to know in our hearts that we are a family. Eli is our son and he will be coming home.

Needless to say, there is still much anxiety, but that is because we miss our little guy terribly and we want him home NOW! It is very hard to watch families come and go as we continue to wait and there are days we feel angry at a process that seems so arbitrary and unfair. There are days in which the wait feels unbearable. But, I refuse to allow myself to be consumed with bitterness and anger over the things we cannot control. Yes, we have these moments...we allow ourselves to have these moments, but then we have to let them go. That is when we have to reach back to our memories with Eli to remind us that our time is coming. We will remember this journey as one that made us stronger as individuals, as a couple, as parents, and as a family. That's what really matters.