The past 3 weeks or so have been incredibly stressful, full of so many uncertainties and so many emotions. I have really been struggling with anger over our delays and sadness over the time we are missing with little pea. Up until recently, I had not put much energy into lamenting the things we are "missing" because that is just something I prepared myself for when we embarked on this incredible adoption journey. But, Jason and I never imagined Eli would not be home for his first birthday and, as that day draws closer, it is becoming harder not to think about lost time. I have realized over the past couple of days that I am much sadder and struggling more than I really wanted to admit. And, Eli has been feeling farther and farther away.
At the same time, however, I still do not want to be consumed by this sadness and anger. I do not want it to cloud the joy and blessings of this process. Yes, despite the delays and frustrations, this has been an incredibly life-changing experience in more ways than we ever imagined. We acknowledge that our delays have brought many blessings in disguise. That certainly does not erase the heartache, the anger, sadness, and the anxiety, but it helps us remember that there is so much more than that.
So, to help ease my sadness and help bring Eli a little closer, we watched some of our video from our last visit trip. It was just what I needed. Dan and Erica videotaped this clip for us as we were reunited with Eli after four months. THANK YOU!! We were so lucky to meet Dan & Erica and their sweet son, AJ. We received our referrals on the same day and our timelines have been virtually identical! If you look closely, you can catch a glimpse of Dan & AJ in the background.
Eli's foster mother had to wake him up when we met them in the lobby of the hotel so he was still a little groggy and probably a little overwhelmed! But, this video is priceless and it is one incredible moment in our lives. As my dear friend, Beth, reminded me in her perfect way, we are creating our own unique story on becoming a family. We are experiencing our own unique "firsts." This video is part of that story. Oh, and I love watching how much Eli's foster mother dotes on him and how much her son adores Eli! He is so loved. The video is a little long and the resolution is low, but enjoy!!